You have to have a goal, a friend and a dream.

We have been married nearly a year (give or take a couple months) and we're still residing at the in-laws. Juan is self employed, not always in work and my current full time job breaks off for three months (unpaid) in May.
We're in a bit of a sticky stitch. With great desire to move out.. we actually can't until I have some sort of credit score and Juan can show a tax return. These things all require some waiting.

We put my name on to a credit card at the beginning of this year and apparently it takes six months to build any kind of score, so right now I don't even exist in the land of credit. Juan has only been working as a self employed composer for around a year so doesn't have any W-2's to show the housing companies. Apparently us getting these two things are the very minimum of what we need to get a house. (Along with a rather hefty pile of savings to put down as a deposit!:/)
We've considered renting, but are hesitant as it's money going to no investment. We haven't completely ruled out further study (I am dying to get my music degree) and the possible accommodation that might come with that, but really we have no idea where we're going to next.

We have a plan A though. That's important. My life motto has always been you have to have a plan A and often a plan B but most of the time plan C; the plan that you never even thought of, will be the plan that plays out. In my experience this plan is usually better than what you could have conjured up yourself BUT (and there's a huge BUTT)... Plan C will never occur unless you put at least your plan A into practice and action! If plan A or B or variants of happen then that's great too, but one thing I absolutely stand by is that only nothing happens by doing only nothing. (Bit long for a motto really) haha.

I truly believe this though. My husband and I are religious and believe that god plays the biggest part in our lifes. Individually and together as a couple. So our philosophy is that if we play our part then god will take care of the rest. It's not easy sometimes to hand things over when our human, logical brains don't see a way in or out of a situation, or sometimes if we are doubtful, angry or have been hurt. But that's the very point of faith and why it can be made strong or not so strong. We have to trust even in the times when it makes the least sense. And I'm speaking like I am an expert, please believe me when I say I am not!

I do know that without God's hand in things I could not have done or been prompted to do all the things I needed to do in order to be at this stage in my life. Handing things over was not easy and maybe at first I was even hesitant to do so. Everything I did last year for example, was completely illogical, but it was right. I sometimes have a hard time explaining my actions to people but if it sits well within your heart, then you need to get on that train and ride it.

We have a goal. We have a plan A, which gives us little goals leading up to a bigger goal. Get my credit score in existence and as good as possible, get Juan a w-2 and save some money so that we can be buyer eligible. (The only thing that is a little frustrating with this plan is that these processes can't be sped up and involve a bit of waiting.)
​We have a friend. It's so much harder to do things and to get places without the support of a friend. A really good friend. Juan is my friend, support and partner in crime. And I am his. (maybe partners in legality might be more apt for this situation) and without one pushing the other to the next check point, life is both harder and a lot less fun.
We have a dream. Some people think that dreaming is dangerous. It gets your hopes up for something false. I fully disagree and what a miserable world this would be without our dreams. Isn't there a famous quote on the lines of 'everything started out as an idea' or something like that?!!? Ideas are dreams. Dreams come true. It's all around us. This isn't just a cute quote that can be fed to hipster, bohemian junkies, this is a fact. So the logical types can even hold onto it. Juan and I dream of having a nice place to live and to one day have children and to create a life full of musicality and creativity. To maybe work on musical projects together in the future and grow old in some place beautiful. I believe that these are attainable dreams. The pathway to them, wow I have no idea. But these dreams keep us going and give us purpose and motivation.

Well we'll keep on sitting on plan A and in the meantime we'll be sure to keep our dreams big.

Peace out.

When the weather is dull and non and grey and clouded, I am at peace.

In England we call overcast days like this 'muggy' and I think that is the perfect description. Maybe because days like this in Utah are a bit of a rarity or maybe because all the years of complaint for days like this have become something I got used to and am now missing, I don't know. But I love them. They're my jam.

If I'm feeling bleak and just want to stay at home, I can stay at home guiltless because the world around me is bleak too. And if I want to feel productive I feel doubly productive because I'm getting a one up on the world while it's chilling and I am being a productive Susan!!! (If that's not already a saying, I'm making it one) Basically muggy days promote any feeling I have perfectly. And for me they are the best.

It interests me how much weather can effect our mental states and can drastically effect the parts of us, like productivity and well being. And we each respond to different weathers super differently! In my profession, I have worked with people with various conditions both mental and physical such as; autism, anglemans, cerebral palsy, downs, prader-willi, bipolar.. the list goes on. And one thing I have found in common with most of them, if not all, is that the weather provides a huge contributing factor to their moods and behaviours.

Seeing 'appealing' or 'non appealing' weather sometimes doesn't make a difference and we feel it emotionally or physically without any visual stimulant. I used to work at a special needs school back in England and EVERY month when there was a full moon the kids would be extra hyper and have tons of behaviours on this day. I also worked with a young blind boy at one point and although he could not see he could feel the weather and whether it was sunny, dull or rainy had a huge varying impact on his mood.

The power of weather on our souls is something that interests me so much. I am so glad that we have the weather to give us variety day-to-day, it would be so boring if the weather was always the same. I know there are places in the world where you mainly get one type of weather and I don't know if I could live somewhere like that. (Unless I went traveling all of the time;)

Not that I'm soo old, but as I get older I've started to notice things about the world and things about myself that I hold to because they comfort me. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. But I love muggy days and I'm pleased for our varying weather forecast. So I'm holding onto that.

Peace and Good Weather ✌️

January went quick, and for that I am pleased.

Back to work on the 4th and straight back into life. I've been in the US nearly a year and I can't believe how quickly that year has gone by. This time last year I was just preparing to visit my boyfriend for three months. To be able to come to the states I had to quit my job and sell my car.
Now that boyfriend is my husband, I am a permanent US resident, have a green card, a Utah drivers liscense, I'm a JH special ed. aide, a Sunday school teacher, I have 2 vocal students, 3 piano students and am involved in two semi professional choirs.
​Thats not bad progress. I need to remember that. I'm proud of myself for where I have got to but it does come hand-in-hand with a small side effect called 'tiredness'. Siempre estoy cansada!!

Juan suffers from this too, and together we are terrible influences on one another (and even worse, a part of us kind of loves that).

When I get home from work there's a ton of stuff I could be doing and a ton of stuff we should be doing. We have editing to do or I'll have lessons and music to prep or doing something simple, but productive like practicing Spanish or doing laundry etc. But, and what tends to happen, is I get home, we get together and as soon as one of us utters the words 'I'm too tired. Do you want to just chill tonight?' That's it. All potential productivity vanishes, the comfy clothes come out and we do lots and lots of nothing, together and it's the best.
But not a bit productive!!

I am in constant search of trying to find balance. Balance between work and rest, time on prep or learning something, time spent just with Juan, time found contacting people back home. Balance is hard. Something that has really helped is maintinaing organisation internally. By internally I don't mean anything metaphorical like in my mind or whatever. I literally mean inside of things..

i.e have you ever had or have that one cupboard that is always messy or, at a scan, maybe your room is pretty tidy but inside draws, wardrobes/closets, handbags it's complete organisational pandamoniam.
That's me.

But I've tried so hard, especially now as I have an extra body to help organise, I really try and keep things in order. Internally and externally. I purchased some yellow grid paper to make checklists on and it works a treat. I'm definitely motivated by nice stationary, that is no secret, but the natural tick boxes on the paper create a daily way for me to keep a score of the things I have to get done. On top of this, every Friday I get home from work early and dedicate time to tidy, launder and file!! File. File. File. File everything and anything. Mail, objects in the wrong place, clothing, lose bits of paper, everything.. Making and keeping the insides of my surroundings organised as well as the external has helped keep my motivational levels up massively.

There are still days I just want to come home and collapse in a heap next to Juan Carlos and shut out the rest of the world. But it does mean that there is hope. Hope that we can extend ourselves beyond wanting to do nothing together all the time! Haha.

My favourite thing about being married is having someone with my own mind to fob off the job with 24/7 but that's also the struggle... because you have someone that you want to fob off the job with 24/7!!! Haha.
We'll get there.. and if we don't?.. at least we'll have fun not getting there..:)

Peace.