So tonight has been interesting. And so has the last few weeks for that matter.
I've been neglecting my personal goal to blog more often and it has to stop. And there is no better time than the now.
Right, so tonight I went to an open theatre with my husband and my parents. The view was, well I don't know how to explain it really. This picture does no justice whatsoever as the whole experience was very surreal. I guess breathtaking if want for a better word? Anyway we climb down this cliff and grab a seat on some stone in the top eves and start munching on some really fantastic food. Everything is looking great and then the play starts... and it was terrible. I'm sorry. I don't want to take away from anyone's hard work, and it wasn't really bad acting as such - it just, wasn't good. At all. It was then interesting to me how different people within our audience dealt with this. Some people turned to their phones, others sat and looked at the ground. A few, I could see, maintained looking forward at the actors in desperate hope that the events unfolding onstage might take a turn for the better. Others stared longingly at the cafeteria building, some people left in the interval (shush, don't look at us!!) and some people couldn't even wait for the interval and grabbed there belongings and made a dramatically failed attempt at leaving unnoticed.
Why am I even telling you all this? Well, it was most interesting to me that as soon as it became evident that the play was going to be a flop (this could have been no longer than the first 30 seconds after it had started) I shocked myself with the optimistic few of - 'well if you're going to be stuck for the next few hours, then what a beautiful place to be stuck'. I've been searching for this kind of attitude for WEEKS. And suddenly, super naturally.. it just came to me.
Let me explain. On May 29th I left Utah for England for 6 weeks. A chance to return home temporarily. The first time I've been back since leaving for what I thought was only going to be three months. Three months turned into a year and four months, having gained a green card and a husband along the way. Permanant residency in the U.S., life changing.
So much has changed and so much has stayed the same. My mind has been finding it very difficult to process everything. My room was left nearly exactly the same and my parents are still potting around Christchurch, but my sister had a baby and my now 18-year-old nephew can drive a car?! I know I love my new life but I miss my family and friends so much and even simple things; nipping across tuckton bridge in the mornings to grab a daily mail crossword from tesco express.
It's no secret, and trouble to my poor husband that I've been struggling recently on the where's, what's and how to process and place things in my head. But, tonight's tiny epiphany about the play has helped me immensely. - Not in the sense that I'm stuck somewhere so enjoy what there is to enjoy, whilst the bad continues on the forefront of the stage, haha. -- no, more -- and how I like to relate the situation -- while I'm worried about leaving my family behind again in a few weeks time and missing things about England - how much better would it be to look up at the beautiful view of it all. The much bigger, and very real, picture. I get to have wonderful experiences with my family whenever I get the chance to visit them and I get to live in a beautiful country with a person that loves me very much. We also have the chance to start a bit of new life chapter - starting in August - (still can't fully talk about it yet) - and basically I need to just get my act together, Stop worrying about EVERYTHING and Cheer.Up.
Moving away from home is hard. Don't let anyone tell you differently. But if it's for a good and right reason, you can absolutely do it and it'll absolutely be worth it. The play is not crap if the view behind it's stage is vast, infinite and beautiful. That's what I've learnt today. And I'm not forgetting it.
I live for tiny, life changing epiphanys like this. They have the power to change us all:)
My England. My sweet and jagged England.
Though they might,
I. Will. Never. Take you for granted.
The salt in your air saturates my soul with the flavour of gratitude.
Thank you for shaping me, nurturing me and for [[quite frankly]] showing me a jolly good time!
I will never forget
-and will always return to-
Brit. U.S.resident. Lover of Opera. Believer of dreams.