So in the past month and a half; I've packed up a three bedroomed house during finals week, transported tons of stuff from that three bedroomed house to a new, but temporary, destination, conducted my first ever yard sale (and surprised myself at actually making a little bit of money), discovered dark Reeses butter cups 'thins', found a sorry butterfly with broken wings, consoled myself over the disappoint of the events that transpired in the last season of Game of Thrones, attempted two pretty long lasting conversations in what I can't fairly describe as Spanish but what I can consider to be more like a sort of Spanglish, found a new delicious lunch time Korean place that's currently only 3 minutes away from us (win!!), read the The Handmaid's Tale, started watching The Handmaid's Tale, started teaching private voice lessons again to a few of my old students, gained a couple of new students, started online college classes just for the summer, started failing those online college classes just for the summer, and well I think that just about covers where I'm at and what I've been up to.
You know what else though?
I miss home and the beach. I really miss the beach. Utah is nice to look at and well, if you're into hiking there's probably no better place to live, but I'm not into hiking. I'm a beach baby. As soon as the summer months come around here in Utah instead of what probably happens to most people; a wave of excitement about the long awaited sun and heat, I get fully depressed. Without a beach, the sand to sink my bare feet into and the sea to throw myself about in and to make my hair all knotty and salty, I'm just not complete. Luckily, Juan is from Venezuela and also grew up near the beach so at least he is with me in this depressive state.
Also the river, I miss the river.
Juan and I did use to live pretty near to a lake though, that was nice for a while. But currently, no living near a lake. Humph.
I think I'm in a bit of a funk at the moment really. Not just because of the beach, haha. I miss home and I know the fact I'm behind on school work has got me down, mainly because it of my frustration with my pure lack of motivation, but as much as it makes me frustrated with myself, I know it's just myself showing myself that I am truly warn out and a bit warn down.
I'll get back to normal soon, I'm sure. In fact having just made that above list has made me feel a lot better. I was looking at my photos app to remind myself at what I've been up to recently and what I can talk about and through making that list based on my photos, although I was feeling kind of crappy about myself and focused on the things I haven't achieved, I've noticed that actually I've achieved quite a lot. (maybe discovering the new Reeses butter cups thins can't be classed as an achievement, but a few of those babies above up there definitely can). I packed up a whole house during college finals week and it was only May 7th, 3 days after my last final that we made the 2 hour house move, which was also the same day that I started online college classes. I should probably give myself a bit of a break on the guilt front.
Well what is my main message in this post? You know, I don't know, I don't think I really have one. Maybe I'm just procrastinating from doing the school work that I so desperately need to get on with? Maybe I needed to talk/vent to someone that just won't talk back? Maybe I just acted upon the urge to post (which is good because I don't currently have a lot of urges to do much as the moment!) Maybe I subconsciously needed to list my achievements to not feel so bad about myself? Who knows? Maybe it's a combination of all four?
I do know though, that after this post I'm going to actually face the dreaded reality of all the work I do have to do and finally make a physical list and as slow as it'll take me to tick it off just work my way through it. This will be good.
Anyway, how are you my friends? (This is rhetorical, of course) As, as soon as I press that post button this mumble jumble goes into the ethers of the internet for no one, except maybe my dad, to read. And you know what I kind of like the idea of that... posting to the whole world in secret. And if you have happened to stumble upon this venting session, firstly I apologize heartily, but also I am happy to see you, old friend or new.
Love, Peace and Positive vibes to you, whoever you may be. You too, have achieved more than you think you have and you too can make that dreaded list and start ticking a few things off of it.
"Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
~ Alice in Wonderland
Brit. U.S.resident. Lover of Opera. Believer of dreams.