The Confessions of an Overthinker...

Over analysizer, over thinker, over complicator. Basically, I worry too much.

​Two weeks ago we were about to go away to Cornwall. Me, my husband, Mum and Dad. Super chill, weather looked perfect for the whole week ahead, great beaches, good food, even better company and all I found myself doing was filling my mind with worry. About anything and everything.

The morning before we left I was packing and in one of my rucksacks, found a letter for my cousin that my Mum had given to me (two weeks before) to drop into the post box. I panicked and told my husband I was going to run down the road to post it - using the excuse of buying the morning paper as my main reason for the excusion. (Sorry Mum, if you're reading this.) Anyway, the walk over the bridge to the corner shop was delightful and the letter got sent, which is the main thing. However, on the way back I caught myself. I was worrying some absurd worry and decided to trace my thought process back to its origin to see how exactly I had got to this particular thought and when I pin pointed what it had started from was so shocked at the sheer esculation of it all that I had to laugh out loud. Right. There. In the middle of the street.

Let me explain. You know those thoughts where you're worried about something that might happen. The key word here being 'might'. (These are also usually the same worries that are out of our control in one way or another.) For example - one second you're thinking about something that might happen, then how you might deal with it if it did happen - or if so and so will react such a way then what might you do or if you have to live the rest of your life dealing with a certain consequence caused by you or another or blah blah blah. Literally the list of variations on this subject is endless and without sharing certain worries of my own (that for the moment I'd like to keep to
myself) I find it really hard to explain so specifically. But basically it became so apparent to me the sheer extent of how our worries can esculate and more frighteningly can overpower and even consume us.
This was when I decided to do something about it.

In one of our family's favourite Richard Curtis movies 'About Time', Tim quotes a song called 'Sunscreen' by Baz Luhrmann saying "worrying is as affective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing gum; the real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind".

Sometimes I feel that I want to pre-worry about everything just so that if it ever happens I'm prepared to deal with it. Which, in my experience hasn't saved me any pain even if the worries do unfold. Consistent state of pre-worry -- what a horrible way to live! and so enters: Talia Grace Diaz; The Confessions of an Overthinker.

I found an empty notebook (I'm currently in my old room in England where there are many, many of these) and decided then and there to assign the title of this old, empty group of paper; my book of thinking. Anything I think of - if I right it in the book it belongs there and not in my mind. No matter how outrageous or how absurd - Even positive thoughts, ideas and crazy poetic notions that I would be embarrassed to share anywhere else - I want it in that book. This way it's not in my head. A fantastic filter system.

It has been two weeks and so far so good. The concept of reading back on worries and smirking at some of the crazy ones is already fantastic.
It's a complete mind game that I'm playing on myself but if it works as a long term thing, I'll be all the more happier for it.
It may only be placebo effect but if it's affective, I simply do not care that it's placebo and will
be entirely grateful for it.

Will continue logging and updating.

I wish you a peace-full and worry-diminishing day my friends.

✌️